Meet Matteo and Judy

Matt’s wife of 22 years, Judy, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease around seven years ago when her Doctor noticed some changes to her speech and referred her to a Memory Clinic.

Matt explained, “Looking back I’d noticed small changes in Judy for some time. She’d been completing a degree in counselling, something she was interested in, and at the end of her first year she’d found it difficult to retain the information she’d learnt. We didn’t think too much of it but when she started to forget how to do simple tasks, like making a cup of tea, we knew there was a bigger problem.”   

Over time Judy’s condition gradually deteriorated, she became less mobile and needed to use a wheelchair, and started to struggle with her speech. Matt became Judy’s full time carer, helping to feed, wash and dress her as she became more housebound.

“I’d become Judy’s full time carer and I was trying to manage all her care at home, but it was really tough, I was really struggling physically and emotionally and needed help. It’s difficult for people to understand what it’s like to be in that situation, getting help is hard, because I was just focusing on caring for my wife.

“Thankfully a friend of a friend referred us to Approach Dementia Services, which is now part of Dougie Mac. By this point Judy was virtually housebound as it was really difficult to get out, but I got her ready and we went to one of the Approach community groups in Biddulph.

“The group is for people with dementia and also their carers, it’s a safe place and great to interact with other people in the same situation as us. Kevin, who runs the group is an absolute dynamo and injects so much life and humour into every session, which is exactly what we all need.

“People can’t understand what it’s like to watch your loved ones gradually disappearing before your eyes but to be with others who truly understand and be able to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings is an immense support. The other members of the Approach group have become my family; we’ve become great friends and can rely on each other. There’s no judgment or raised eyebrows, we totally understand each other.

“The guilt factor of being a carer is horrendous, I’m constantly feeling that I should be doing more for Judy. When I first joined the group I was in a very dark place, there was no light, just a long, dark tunnel infront of me, but I was able to share my feelings with the group and they encouraged me to get medical help and look after myself. They helped me to realise that I’m not on my own.

“Judy loved going to the group too, she loves seeing people and was always so smiley and happy to see everyone. It gave us a focus every Wednesday, a reason to get ready and out of the house. We also joined the Approach singing group, which Judy loved and her daughter came along with us too. It was great fun and a really joyful couple of hours which lifted us for the rest of the week.

“Unfortunately Judy’s cognitive ability went downhill very quickly after a couple of short illnesses and hospital stays, which really set her back. It became impossible to continue caring for her at home, so earlier this year she moved into a care home. Thankfully, we were able to get her a place in the same home her Mum stayed, so it was a familiar environment for us and many of the staff recognised us from our many visits.

“She still recognises me most of the time and is happy to see me, but sometimes I can tell that she doesn’t know who I am. It’s been so hard and I’m struggling, I’ve started to grieve for my wife as I watch her slowly disappearing, I feel so guilty that she’s had to go into the home.

“The support from the Biddulph group has been a life saver for me! I can talk to Kevin and share how I’m feeling and my friends within the group are a fantastic support. There are a few people whose partners have passed away or moved into care homes, but we’re all still welcome to attend the group and we help each other out with lifts if someone is struggling to get there. I’m so grateful for the help I’ve received from Approach and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without the support of my Approach family.”