Liz’s Story

Brenda Graham’s 90th birthday was a day filled with love, laughter and unforgettable kindness. Brenda and her family celebrated her big day at the hospice on June 3, with cards, hugs and kisses from our nurses, a beautiful cake from our kitchen team and even a couple of rum and cokes to mark the milestone!

Surrounded by those who cared for her, and with her favourite poppies placed in her room after a nurse braved the pouring rain to pick them from the hospice gardens, Brenda enjoyed what her daughter Liz describes as ‘the most wonderful of days and a day her family will treasure forever’.

Brenda came into the hospice on May 17, 2026, after being diagnosed with bowel and kidney cancer in October 2023. Whilst undergoing an operation at the age of 87, doctors found an ovarian mass and, in the autumn of 2025, Brenda was further diagnosed with lung cancer and later, bone cancer.

She received care and support from our Hospice at Home team before being admitted to the hospice Inpatient Services after her pain became too much to cope with.

“Mum was a very special person and absolutely idolised my dad, Eric, who had Alzheimer’s,” says Liz. “She looked after him until his death in December 2022. She loved me and idolised my son, Bradley. She was extremely kind and frank and we laughed constantly – we were always laughing. We were a very close family and she was a fighter, but when the pain became too much, we knew the best thing for her was to go into Dougie Mac.

“The staff were incredible and when she celebrated her 90^th birthday on June 3 the kitchen staff baked her a beautiful cake. She even enjoyed a couple of rum and cokes.

“From her hospice bed she looked out onto the gardens where there were poppies growing – my mum’s favourite flowers. On the day of her birthday, one of the nurses – Mary – appeared in mum’s room soaking wet, carrying a bunch of poppies. She had only been out in the pouring rain to pick the flowers to put in a vase for mum’s birthday!

“The care from the whole team was brilliant, really good. Not only did they look after mum, but they looked after us as a family too. I’ve worked in care and deal with end-of-life and although the nursing staff knew that and spoke to me maybe a little differently as I knew what was happening, it never took away from the fact they still treated me as the daughter of a patient who was coming to the last days of her life. They were very kind and considerate.”

Brenda passed away peacefully in the hospice on July 17.

“Mum always said she wasn’t afraid of dying but she didn’t want to die alone so I made sure that I was with her.

“I firmly believe in good deaths and mum’s death was exactly that – a good death. Her breathing changed and then she simply just took her last breath. She didn’t look in pain, just peaceful and beautiful.

“The care from Dougie Mac was just wonderful. It will always hold special memories for me.”

*In 2023, Liz wrote a poem entitled ‘Empathy’ which won in a National Carers Competition. Here, Liz shares her poem as she feels it sums up the care her mum received from Dougie Mac:

Empathy

Daylight creeps through the curtain chink

Is it day, is it night, I have to think 

The opening door, the gentle hello,

The kindness and warmth of the voice I know.

The face stoops down to my level to see,

How I look or appear to be.

I turn my head and open my eyes, 

and focus on the colours, well I can but try.

The smile that greets me makes me smile, the warm hand rests for a while.

It brushes my hair off my face, 

the smallest touch I’d never replace.

It shows I’m loved and I’m still here,

I’m not invisible, I reappear.

They talk about the day ahead,

while I’m safe and warm in my bed.

They chat about what happened at home, and for that moment I’m not alone.

I use to dance, and sing, and laugh,

I use to cook, and drink a draught.

I married a man who supported our life,

I was proud to be a mum and wife.

I lived a life full of hope and joy,

With children; 2 girls and a boy.

I dreamed the dream to live life well,

But age crept up, I stumbled, I fell.

It was difficult for me to stay at home,

My husband was gone and I was alone.

I tried to keep safe and not cause a fuss,

But I didn’t eat, drink or wash.

I started to live life more in my head,

I stopped getting up, I stayed in bed.

So now your care means the world to me

I’d tell you but I can’t, you see.

I hope my eyes let you know my dear

that you’re my friend, and you lessen my fears.

The way you help me eat and drink, 

You keep me safe as my skills shrink.

You wipe my chin, sing to the radio,

hoping this is a song I know.

You watch my face over and over again,

to check for any illness or pain.

I seem less alert, my face looks flush,

but you stay with me, you won’t rush.

I may not speak or walk about,

but I’m treated with dignity without a doubt.

You’re there, and are my world to me, 

each day you care with empathy.